Welcome to another Flashback Friday post where I talk about what life was like as a single mom when my daughters were babies and toddlers. Life is so different now that they’re school age, and it’s fun to reminisce. Today’s post is about choosing your baby’s last name.
I will start by saying straight off the bat that my girls and I don’t share the same last names.
For some people choosing their baby’s last name is a no-brainer. The child will get the dad’s last name and it’s really that simple. Single moms may have a tougher choice, especially when the relationship between mother and father is in some gray area.
With Sass, somewhere in the back of my mind I always thought her father and I would figure out how to make things work because of our history together. I was torn between giving her my last name because he and I weren’t together and giving her his last name out of respect for him being her father. And I even considered hyphenating it, but thought it would be too long.
I ended up choosing his last name, while deep down believing that one day we’d all have the same last name anyway because we would get married.
Reflection on my baby’s last name
Honestly, this choice has been one of my biggest regrets. And I know I only feel this way because he’s a deadbeat. If he were active in her life I wouldn’t mind. But I gave her the name out of respect to him and he continuously disrespects her by being absent from her life.
I can’t go back and change time, and I’m not much of a dweller. What’s done is done, so I give this more as a cautionary tale than anything else. You can never predict a person’s behavior, but if I were able to choose again, I would hyphenate her name.
And the truth is, that it’s probably because I’m still optimistic that one day he will realize how much he’s effing up and return to her life as a true dad, not a sperm donor.
For any other single moms out there, what choice did you make regarding your baby’s last name? What guided your ultimate decision?